Episode #66: Lara Parker
Lara Parker is a deputy director of BuzzFeed.com, author of the upcoming book Vagina Problems, and person living with multiple chronic illnesses which include but are not limited to endometriosis and pelvic floor dysfunction. She lives in Los Angeles with her 5 lb. dog, Pepper, and her plants.
When Lara Parker had ablation surgery in 2012, she thought her endometriosis symptoms would be a thing of the past. But instead, her condition became exponentially worse, and she experienced severe chronic pain as well as depression. Her symptoms of endometriosis (a condition in which uterine tissue grows outside the uterus) were so excruciatingly painful that she couldn’t even sit down and could barely wear underwear. In addition to endometriosis, Lara was also later diagnosed with other conditions, like pelvic floor dysfunction. Her “vagina problems,” (as she’s titled her book, which will be published in 2020) made for an isolating experience as a straight woman her early 20s, given that she couldn’t have penetrative sex or even orgasm. On today’s episode, Lara and I talk about why she started being upfront and honest about the ways that endometriosis and other vagina-related conditions have affected her life, why she feels a responsibility to tell her story, and why it’s much more difficult to share her dark moments. Whether she’s talking about dating with penetrative sex off the table, reframing her mindset about sex, or giving advice to people who may be navigating endometriosis, Lara talks candidly about her experience...because as she puts it, why wouldn’t she?
“I say my vagina hurts the same way that I say I have a headache now. It is what it is to me, and it just feels natural to talk about it now.”
Here are some of the things Lara and I chatted about:
The symptoms she experienced that didn’t make sense to her at first, like really painful periods
What it was like, for several years, to not have doctors take her or her symptoms seriously
Doing research on her own and discovering that her symptoms aligned with endometriosis
The challenge of diagnosing endometriosis, because it requires patients to have surgery
Her ablation surgery, and what she knows now about the effectiveness of this procedure
Post-surgery, the excruciating pain she experienced--not just during sex, but all the time
Being diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction, vulvodynia, and vaginismus at the Mayo Clinic
Her plan to get excision surgery in January 2020, and why she feels to need to pursue it
How she’s preparing for the surgery to make sure the outcome is as good as it possibly can be
The first time she shared her story in a way that felt significant: an essay for Buzzfeed in 2014
Hiding her condition for so long, and why it feels both important and natural to talk about now
Thinking of herself as a person who can’t have sex, and how she’s changed that mindset
The work she’s done to reframe the way she thinks about love, relationships, and dating
Why she approaches talking with partners about her sexual preferences in a casual way
The way her parents have stepped up and why she’s proud of her dad in particular
The days when she feels defeated, and why she doesn’t often share that on Instagram
Her advice for people navigating endometriosis, especially when talking with doctors
Her upcoming book, Vagina Problems, and what she hopes it provides to readers
“I was unable to say the words out loud, so I just started writing.”
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